Fearful of the Fearless
by Munku-JGSPTV
Summary: [KN, KC] The Scanran border is getting worse. Almost everybody has been sent up. Kel decides to visit. COMPLETE!
1. Called upon, are we?

Disclaimer: I'm crazy, I'm weird, I'm out-insane and also also own nothing you might recognise.   
Please review.  
  
The Scanrans had been pushing harder near the border for some time now. Almost all warriors that could be spared had been called upon to join in battle.  
The King was busy every minute of the day, trying to build up the alliances with other nations like Tyra and Galla, so they would not turn on Tortall while pre-occupied with Scanra.  
  
Kel herslf was waiting for a call-up to join the near-war. Things were desperate, and anyone would gladly accept the assistance of even a female knight.  
Cleon of Kennan was already at the border, having had given her a goodbye kiss two weeks before. She hoped he was alright. Winter was coming, and they would be unable to send their letters quite as often. Kel dreaded being sent up to the border during winter: it meant a tiresome journey from the palace, where she was staying.  
  
Finally greeting her knighthood, Keladry of Mindelan had decided to stay in the Corus for a few months, and was grateful for her private rooms in the palace. Jump and the next generation of sparrows came and went as they pleased, the dog bringing a visitor every few days.  
  
And Kel had been able to talk to the Lioness without people accusing her of something before she too was sent to help deal with Scanra.   
  
Only a few of Kel's frinds remained: Merric of Hollyrose, Owen of Jesslaw and Neal of Queenscove. Neal had been trying to study more healing skills, so as a Gifted kinght, he'd be able to do more than knock the enemy's heads off. He had also been observing while his father worked; learning as quickly as possible.  
  
Kel had wanted to see Raoul, her former knightmaster, but that was impossible as most of the King's Own was in on the battle too. She really missed everybody who was away from the palace. Of course, she was able to visit people like Lalasa as much as she pleased, but Kel found hereself longing to be where everything else was happening.   
  
.  
  
  
Finding herself with nothing really important to do, Kel went to the temple of the Goddess to pray for all those involved with the near-war. It seemed all the people talked of nothing but the most recent attacks, It all left her feeling rather depressed.   
A priestess nodded to Kel upon her arrival; she was a daily visitor.  
  
After some more aimless wandering through the capitals' markets, Kel went back to the palace. The stables looked inviting. Perhaps a ride with Peachblossom would help her deal with her thoughts.  
  
At first she just guided the gelding slowly around the yard, but decided a ride through the Royal Forest might ease her mind.  
  
"I don't seem to be doing much", Kel said softly. Peachblossom snorted in agreemnent. He had taken notice of her miserable routine. Nothing happened to help Kel be at peace.   
She sighed. "I know, I know." They headed back for the stables. "I think I'll try some more glaive pattern dances when I get inside." Surprisingly for Peachblossm, she produced an apple as a treat after grooming him and dealing with the tack.  
  
But, instead of practising with her glaive, Kel ended up in the Healers WIng of the palace. She found Neal alone in a dark study. He was poring over some ancient scrolls that might assist him.   
Kel sat down silently, and began to wonder of he'd actually noticed her - "Head wounds aren't to my liking. Are you here to give me one? I'm getting tired of your offers to beat me into a bloody heap." She couldn't help but smile. He was only trying to make her feel better.  
Neal looked up at her, grinning. Something about the mischevious twinkle in his eyes made her heart flip over. Not again! She had gotten over her silly little crush 5 years ago! She was probably just missing Cleon too much (or her lunch).  
  
Kel didn't bother retorting, not today. They drifted back into that comfortable silence. Neal slowly turned a page.  
"Oh fine! What's wrong? It's tiring me to see you acting like this! What's actually bothering you, Kel?"  
She was a little surprised. Sometimes he would just think her quietness was because she was Yamani-plastered in her thoughts.  
She opened her mouth to say 'I'm fine' but found she couln't. Kel felt tears form as she spilled out how she performed some kind of daily half-in-death routine which made her all the more miserable and anxious for their friends, Neal listened with attentive ears and caring eyes. He laid a hand on her arm. She started feeling more and more like crying.  
She began to speak of how much she really missed and felt for Cleon, but she felt Neal stiffen at the mention of the subject. She realised it made him uncomfortable, for some unknown reason. Perhaps its strange for him to hear one of his riends talked about like that by his best friend, Kel thought.  
"I'm sorry", she said and tried to wipe her eyes without Neal noticing too much.   
"Oh - no. You... I know you and Cleon...Umm..." Kel heard herself give another aplogetic response, but things remained a little awkward.  
"Well.. maybe if you really are that worried about everybody, go up there and visit them. Look-" Neal closed the book. "I'll come with you" and he led her out of the study. 


	2. Roundabout Plans

Disclaimer: I don't need one, but I don't own anything here either. ^_^  
  
  
I suppose it never really occured to me that we might leave without being called on, Kel thought. She remembered that Neal had probably gotten nowhere near finishing his studies on heads wounds, but she forgot to ask him. She could do that on the ride to the border.  
They had already suggestedd the 'getaway trip' to Merric and Owen but they thought they'd head up sometime after the coming winter, late Spring perhaps. It would be 2 years since the marriage of Roald and Shinkokami by then.  
Kel was saying goodbye to an emotional Lalasa; they might not see each other for many months, when the sparrows came. Chriping loudly, they seemed excited about something.  
"My Lady, what-?"  
Kel stepped outside Lalasa's shop. Domitan of Masbolle stood before her.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
__  
OOOOOOOOOhhh. I think I'd better end it there for now.On a cliffie, right? Nah- you can continue...  
  
"Dom!" He hugged her around the shoulders.  
"How'd you get here? Weren't you with the Own?"  
They were happy to see each other.   
"I got off for a few weeks with this bad leg." He revealed a leg twisted in a odd position.  
"Couldn't they heal it up there?"  
He grinned at her concern. "Of course, but I want to show off my battle scars to all the pretty ladies of Corus whenever I can." Kel gave him a playful punch.  
"Nah-its pretty bad. It hurts to ride or walk with it, and I can't run at all, so I'm pretty useless for battle. The healers fixed me up nice and quickly, and said I must keep it in the splint. But my horse decided to have a ...uh...slight disagreement with me and the mud." Ke giggled.   
"You fell off."  
Dom showed mock insult. "And that made my leg worse. I think I twisted it just as bad the other way. It'll take some time to fully recover." He paused for a moment and continued, "My leading commander (Raoul) gave me a months reprieval. This is my holiday. Corus looked like in wanted a visit. So how are you?"  
  
.  
  
  
Dom's arrival put off travel for a couple of days. It also took Kel's mind off things and it was...interesting with both Neal and Dom around (A/N-no, they're not both trying to win Kel's affections)  
It cheered Kel to hear of her friends in the Own, apparently Lerant had been badly injured but he was OK. Dom said everybody else was fine, including Raoul.  
But, eventually Kel's mind dragged back to her previous thoughts. She really did want to see everyone, especially Cleon, Dom had already been informed of their plans.  
  
When he first heard-"Sounds great! I know of a few people that are missing you too" Kel couldn't tell if he had winked at her or if she had just imagined it.  
"Would you mind lugging me around? I won't be going the whole way. I'm going to stay for a week or so in Teron until my Lord sends a rampaging hurrok for me. My month of holidays should be up by then."  
Kel had been pleased that he wanted to come, and insisted it wasn't a problem.  
"The more the merrier," Neal had drawled once she informed him of their new plans.  
It almost seemed as if he had expected it.  
  
.  
(A/N I think I didn't write this next part that well, so go ahead and tell me I didn't when you review, okay?)  
  
Kel repeated her goodbyes and was preparing to leave a day later.  
Dom had been seen to again by his uncle (Duke Baird) and seemed painless enough for the journey.  
Kel wanted Jump and a few of the sparrows to accompany them, but she spent a little while explaining to them that it would be a lot safer at the palace or with Lalasa.  
Jump had already decided he was coming, and Kel was secretly pleased. The sparrows selected five from their growing flocks to travel with them.  
  
.  
  
  
Kel was saddled Peachblossom and there was excitement in her breath. She was going to see Cleon!  
  
"We're right to go now?" Neal asked. Kel nodded and took a deep breath and -  
  
  
  
  
  
  
-started walking Peachblossom...  
"It seems a bit dull, don't you think? I was expecting to embark on a great adventure. Shouldn't it be a little more... exciting?" Dom said.  
Neal laughed. "Too right. Let us frolic for a little while," and sent his mare into a canter.  
Dom and Kel looked at each other for a moment, then followed the crazy knight in front of them.  
  
  
.  
  
The stars were starting to twinkle their merry way out in the sky. "Do you want to stay at an inn tonight? The nearest one will probably be in the next town - a good 2 hours away," Kel supplied.  
"Well, I suppose we can scrounge in the dirt and camp for ONE night." Dom sighed. Kel smiled and searched for a good place to set a camp.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Neal went up to her while they were collecting fire wood. "I think his leg is hurting him," Kel said.  
"I know."  
"Well, you're the healer, can't you relieve him of any pain?"  
'I-"  
Dom walked over. "Sometimes all these secret whisperings between you two get to me. As chaperone, I feel it is my duty to make sure nothing *happens*-" Neal went red and they both attacked him with whatever pieces of wood they had in their hands,  
Neal caught a glance at Kel. She seemed happier. Keeping her laughing was good, he concluded. It was better that Dom was here.  
  
! !~ * ~ * ~ ! !  
  
I know, I know. Nothing really happened. It's gonna get better but! (I hope. Or it should)  
Thanks so much to  
  
Larzdinn  
Keita  
u know me!  
Merry  
and I don't know whether I really wanna THAnK Nari...  
  
For all reviewing!!! I luv you guys! And please hit that review button on the left over there. it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside whenever I read a nice review! And if you hate it, I'm better off knowing. I'd prefer to know that you did hate it then think that nobody had read this at all. And you can review all the chapters! You don't just have to wait until the last one!  
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	3. Internal Misgivings

Disclaimer (before anything else) I won nothing. (I TRIED to keep it short)  
  
A.N I think I'm gonna just make things easy for myself here. I'll get a bit lazy this chapter.   
But first some shoutouts. Thanks to all who have reviewed! (I hope to have the paragraphs a little longer and there'll probably only be a couple more chapters. This chappie also contains maybe my first ever fight scene, so please be critical with it)  
  
Merry: I'm sorry I hurt Dom! Well, I just needed him to be there and I couldn't think of a good excuse J  
  
White-wolf: I'm glad you like it. I hope you love this chapter too!  
  
Liger and Lady Queenscove: tee hee. I'm glad I put in the Dom-chaperone thing too. YAY! More people to read my fic! Thank you!  
  
Keita: Well, thanks for all those emails J I wish I could read Lady Knight now. And my dad WON'T let me buy it for big bucks off Amazon. 'Patience' he says. Grrr  
  
Larzdinn: Like I said-hopefully it'll be more in paragraphs than separate chunks this time. Apparently LK comes out on the 27th August in the US, but I won't get it til later 'cos Australia gets the UK version. We'll have to wait a little bit for shipping and stuff. L   
  
Lady Knight: Hope you like this one, whatever happens!  
  
Sunkisses643: Well, here's the next chapter! Please review!  
  
DragonRaye: Yes! I am a true K/N fan. But I might end up twisting this the other way. But I'm not gonna spoil it yet! You know that no main character of Tammy's (in Tortall, at least) has got with a guy under 5 years older! (Or is Jon 4 years older? Well-she didn't marry him though!)   
  
KeladryLadyKnight: Well, I can still hope you luv it (and that did NOT imply anything) Do you want me to keep emailing you for every chapter?  
  
Nari: Did you buy any more of the tropical Vitafresh? You know that you're the only person that likes it. I luuuuv raspberry. I finished my cookie dough. Gotta get more. I hope you like this chapter!  
  
Whew. I'm not sure if I'll do that next chapter. It takes up too much room and people might complain. Well, in your review please tell me how I can make my writing better ^_^  
  
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Internal Misgivings  
  
As they said goodbye to Dom, Neal could see Kel was sad to see him go, but anxious about what lay ahead. The border was getting close, and local villages feared that Scanran raiders would attack from behind while all Tortall's strongest fighters were at the border. They had been glad to teach a few of the townspeople some skills they might use in self-defence, but there was Kel's ever-longing to see Cleon and it kept them moving.  
  
Neal had to admit, that while he didn't particularly like the idea of them fawning over each other that much (he didn't quite know why), it would make her happy, and that's really what Neal wanted.  
  
They rode away from Dom and fief Teron in silence, both deep in their own thoughts. It was quite some time before Kel realised the sparrows were gone.  
  
"Neal? She asked, slightly panicking, after she found that Jump had disappeared too.  
  
"Mmm?"   
  
"D'you know where Jump, Kuri and the rest of the sparrows have gone?" (A/N Kuri is a name I gave a sparrow)   
  
"I can't say that I - woh!" He halted his mare.  
  
"There's something…someone up ahead. Can you hear it?"  
  
Kel started to worry. Could the enemy be nearby? At the moment she feared more for the animals' safety than their own.  
  
"Maybe we should-we should get off the road a bit. Then at least we'll be prepared."  
  
As quiet as possible they dismounted and led their horses near a clump of trees, out of the way. Kel didn't want to have to worry about them too. She pulled out Griffin just in case.  
  
They waited. Neal's sharp ears picked up a distant cry. The sparrows, Kuri included, all flew down to Kel as fast as they could, twittering madly.  
  
"Something's up."  
  
"I'll say. You know they don't just go mad for nothing. Shiga-where's Jump?" she asked a sparrow, and that was the last thing she got to say before the stamping came-almost deafening after the silence. It was like steady thunder getting closer, closer - hooves clattered and Kel could see Jump. He pelted towards her at the last minute, before the stallions and their dark riders lunged at the two knights. Kel lifted Griffin and reached for her belt daggers.  
  
There were six-for the moment-two on mean horses, and they charged vigorously, aiming for Neal first. Metal clashed. Two of the four men on foot were battering Neal with their swords, but they were no match for the Wyldon-trained knight. As soon as Neal found an opening, he took it, slicing his sword through the man's torso.  
  
Kel herself was having problems. A rider came at her, bringing down a blade of sharp-edged steel. She lifted her sword arm to block the blow, ever so slowly. Slowly? What was happening? Kel found herself unable to compete with their speed. The rider tried hitting her head with his sword's hilt. 'I don't get knocked out that easily' Kel though, grim and firm.   
  
But her speed - she had slowed right down. Fighting was almost killing her. Only a terrible injury would have this effect on her, but she was yet to feel the pain. Unless-  
  
"Kel! Mage!" Neal cried out. He fought back against the second last standing man as Kel brought Griffin to the leg of the man's horse. It caused him to fall from his lame horse to the ground, faltering. With stone determination, Kel tried to fight the magic that was making her so low-geared and bring Griffin down on the fallen rider.   
  
Neal had already worked his way to their mage, unnoticed at present. The magic worker was so busy concentrating on his incantations he never realised the Tortallan knight was behind him until it was too late.  
  
The sparrows were wildly darting at Kel's last enemy, pecking at whatever skin became exposed.  
'It's too bad you don't have armour' Kel thought sardonically and raised Griffin-  
  
For a moment her attention was gripped by something else. Jump did his namesake and aimed for the man's heads, but fell to the ground. She stopped breathing (A/N think Lord of the Rings movie when Boromir died) "What?" was all should could say. An arrow stuck in his side. Her heart faltered.  
  
"Jump! Noo…" she whispered. "Argh!"   
  
The man tried to use this broken moment to his advantage. He kicked Kel to the ground, but was mistaking her anger. She used it - binding hate and twisting it against him, wielding her sword to her advantage.  
"Kel! Daggers!" Neal yelled.  
  
She threw them in his general direction as soon as they were out of her belt. Neal had already spotted the archer, their seventh enemy. The man gave a painful cry before he fell from his perch atop a tree; the daggers lodged deep in his throat.  
  
Kel took one more glance at her dog, her friend, and used all her strength and brought it upon the last of the enemy.  
.  
  
Kel's attention was first drawn to Jump. When she happily discovered that the arrow hadn't been fatal for him, they set about cleaning and bandaging the wound. He would be alright.  
  
They were riding slowly, taking their time to find a campsite.  
  
"So- you think they were raiders?"  
  
'Well they definitely weren't Tortallan. Let's just hope there isn't a whole Scanran base camp around here somewhere."   
  
Kel nodded in agreement and in less than an hour they had found a suitable place to rest up and camp for the night. Neal was putting out the fire as Kel drew up her sleeping roll around her. 'I know Jump is going to be ok,' she thought. 'I just hope Cleon and everyone else its.'  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
Please. Review.  
  
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Thank you 


	4. Cold Wind blowing and A Time for Everyth...

thank you to  
  
u know me  
  
Lady Knight  
  
Larzdinn  
  
KeladryLadyKnight  
  
clarylissa  
  
Nari  
  
White-wolf  
  
Sunkisses643  
  
Kel of Queenscove  
  
for all reviewing *hugs* And if/WHEN you review, I'm most likely to check out your stuff too. Ahh. Reviewing. Just another vicious cycle. If you want me to notify you of a chapter update, please say so in your review and give your email address as well. Sometimes its hard to weave through bios. Well! Keep reading! AGAIN-if you have Lady Knight-don't tell me anything about it! I reckon people should give us a better warning about spoilers in their fics  
  
Disclaimer: I disclaim everything. Except Kuri, Shigo (my lovable sparrows) and this terrible plot. ^_^  
  
  
  
Cold Wind Blowing  
  
Kel twisted uncomfortably in the saddle as they looked down from the ridge near the Tortallan military camp. A strange noise came from Neal's stomach, distrubing the silence. She gave him a look.  
  
"I can't help it if I'm hungry!" he protested."C'mon. It'll take us only about 15 minutes to get down there. And, formalities aside, I'll be eating in 20." Neal grinned as Kel shook her head sadly.  
  
"Let's go," she said to Peachblossom, and steered him away from the ridge. Jump, now with a supportive bandage around his middle, sat in a throne of his own. The cup, rather, that was attached to Peachblossom's saddle, similar to the one Kel had had when she was working with the Own as a squire.  
  
The five sparrows clung to Peachblossom's mane, trying to protect themselves from the cold wind that blew. Kel sighed contentedly. If Cleon wasn't in the field, she would be seeing him very soon. (A/N i thought I had stole the title, but I think that other one was 'Dark wind blowing'. Yes, it was.)  
  
.  
  
When they arrived in the camp, Kel was disappointed to hear that Cleon was out fighting. She wished she could see him NOW. "Oh well. Let's get something to eat" Kel said, after they had finished with their horses. Neal nodded hungrily.  
  
"After a good meal I'm going to see if I can be any use in the healer's quarters. Let's just hope there's nobody with terrible head wounds," he drawled.  
  
.  
  
"Kel! Over 'ere!" She turned in the direction of the familiar voice, holding a plate of what LOOKED like radishes and potatoes.  
  
"Neal! It's Raoul. You know I've been wanting to see him too. I wonder if the King's Champion is with him."  
  
Neal followed, muttering about the poor quality of the food that would be going in his stomach. Kel turned around as they were walking over to her former knightmaster's table - "Well, next time you can cook it."  
  
Neal gave a shudder, a beweildered look and decided to keep quiet while eating his 'glup of a meal'. "So, Kel-how've you been?" Raoul asked while chomping on something that looked suspiciously like a dead worm. Neal quickly searched his plate.  
  
"Pretty good. I'm glad to be up here though. How's the Own?"  
  
They talked for some time, Neal just listening quietly and adding in a couple of words wherever he felt the conversation needed disturbance from him.  
  
Kel glanced up at him, a finger trying to stop the mush-meal from escaping her mouth.  
  
'But since when have I always expected Neal to be a loud busy-body? He seems really quiet.' she thought. But this was the sort of thing you usually slept on, and as it was just lunch, Kel decided to leave the matter of Neal's strange behaviour til later.  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
I combined these two chapters. They were gonna be in one together originally...  
  
~~  
  
  
  
A Time for Everything  
  
Kel bustled around in her tent, re-applying Jump's bandage. When that was done, she fed the sparrows and busied herself with shining up Griffin.  
  
Kel sighed.  
  
"What am I even doing here? Maybe I should just go home."  
  
"Or not."  
  
Kel gasped and dropped Griffin, making the blade all dirty again.  
  
"Cleon!" She clasped her hands together and turned around. He was smiling, with a blood-caked split lip and a briuse above his left eye.  
  
"I'd kiss you, but-" he indicated his torn lip. She kissed him anyway. Cleon pulled her into a tight embrace and Kel rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
"I was so worried."  
  
"Mmm," he said absently.  
  
"It's good to be here now." 'With you' Kel added in her mind.  
  
Kel saw Neal's head pop up from Cleon's shoulder, and he looked as though he was about to ask where the latrines were. To her surprise, he wasn't shocked at the sight of them, or even Cleon being there.  
  
He was - smiling? His lips were tight though and there was no twinkle in his eyes as he greeted them.  
  
"Hey." Cleon jumped apart at the sound of his voice.  
  
"Neal! How are you?" Cleon went red at the thought of Neal walking in on something between him and Kel that would be a bit more intimate.  
  
"Great." Neal said. "Lady Alanna told me you came back with her" - so that's why he wasn't surprised, Kel thought - "Apparently you took a good blow near your eye." Cleon turned and faced him directly. Neal laughed at Cleon's smallish bruise.  
  
"She was right, despite the exaggerations." Cleon gripped Neal's arm like a good friend would.  
  
'Oh-and Kel, word from the gossips - Owen's raoming up here earlier than we thought. Anyway, I'm off to the Healer's tent. See you two later." Kel was perhaps-ing in the back of her mind that he didn't really need to go and help the healers at all, but she was too pre-occupied with Cleon at the moment.  
  
.  
  
A/N I'll leave it there. Sorry-another short chappie. . ^_^ Thanks for reading,  
  
Epitaph Munku-JGSPTV ^_^  
  
  
  
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if you didn't read it up there... iDECIDED TO COMBINE THE CHAPTERS, 'COS THEY REALLY WERE GOING TO BE TOGETHER ORIGINALLY. I JUST WANTED TO GET SOMETHING OUT BEFORE I HAD TO LEAVE FOR CAMP (which was actually better than OK). NOTE TO ALL-(A HELPFUL FRIEND POINTED THIS OUT) DOM STAYS AT THAT FIEF FEW ABOUT A WEEK MORE UNTIL RAOUL SENDS FOR HIM AGAIN. AND ALSO BY THEN, HE WILL HAVE HEALED. THANK YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING!!!  
  
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	5. ...

Sorry-just the last chapter-I needed to put something here- Sorry. I guess this is gonna be a dreadfully disturbing 'just an A/N' chapter. Sorry again, and if you are going to review, review the other chapters. ;) 


	6. One for Hope

thanks to everyone who reviewed!  
  
  
  
One for Hope  
  
"Why bring NEAL into this? What's wrong with you? Did you sleep with Yuki or something?" Kel spat at Cleon. They argument was frothing already.  
  
'W.What do you think?" He faltered, but gained confidence. "I thought you loved me." His words stabbed at the very base of her heart.  
  
"Well maybe I DID." Tears of confusion were pouring out now. How had this stupid argument started anyway? Only the littlest thing-she had fed the sparrows earlier than usual.  
  
"Listen - why don't you just go out and fight, get yourself killed and then maybe we can all laugh when no-one buries you. Stormwings'll just peck at bits of your flesh." Cleon stopped thinking, just mouth wide open at what she was saying.  
  
'But no, sorry," Kel continued angrily. 'Even the stormwings won't be biting for long. After a minute or two they'll realise what foul tasting blood you have. THEY won't want even your carcass then!" Kel stormed out of the tent, with fist clenched. Cleon was still horrified.  
  
'How..." Cleon stoppe and thought again:  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
She paused for a moment then kept walking, her cheeks still damp.   
  
She didn't want to seem weak. She would find Neal, or anybody, just somebody and tell them she was leaving the border right now. Why did Cleon seem so loving and warm one minute, then brutal and unkind the next? Kel stopped. Stone. She was stone.  
  
Still feeling like she needed to work off all her anger, Kel saddled up Peachblossom. Sometimes she felt like he was her true anger under all her Yamani training, so perhaps she could ride her strong feelings out with him.  
  
Kel saw a smile bearing down at her as she saddled Peachblossom, who was surprsingly calm.  
  
"Dom?" she asked weakly.  
  
"Yeah." There was a silence, though bearably uncomfortable.  
  
"I'm not saying you have to tell me anything. And I know you'll both regret what you've said later-"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Kel asked her friend abruptly.  
  
'Your happy little tea party conversation with Cleon (A/N I know, no tea parties then, but oh well)  
  
Kel's Yamani covering broke.  
  
'You...heard?"  
  
"I-"   
  
"Nevermind, it shouldn't matter whether you were there to eavesdrop or not."  
  
"I happened to OVERHEAR, not-"  
  
Kel became frustrated, her mixed feelings from the fight coming back again. She had to take a moment and breath slowly, making sure she was a little calmer.  
  
'Sorry. Look-I'm going for a ride and by the time I come back it'll be supper. See you then."  
  
Dom just stood there, leaning on a post of the makeshift stable while she mounted.   
  
"By the way, how's your leg?"  
  
.  
  
Her ride with Peachblossom did help, if only a little. She had time, time away from everyone else to consider her thoughts. And especially her feelings. Sometimes they were overwhelming, sometimes she didn't re-act at all, and sometimes her emotions ruled over so strongly she did or said things she normally wouldn't have meant to. Like hurting someone. 'Cleon for instance' popped into her brain.  
Kel shoved away that thought as fast as she could.  
  
Supper time was mainly uneventful, except fot the running out of grog (the newest alcaholic beverage available) and when Neal came over to her. He didn't even say anything, which Kel hadn't expected. 'I guess he knows we had a fight' she thought. They both sat there, in a comfortable silence. But Kel felt she had to break it.  
  
'Look, I'm sorry. I just-"  
  
"He's put his name down with the next squad to go out. That's tomorrow morning. The healers say its fine, now he's all healed up."  
  
Kel felt numb for a mintue. She got up quickly, spilling the rest of the contents of her bowl onto her breeches.  
  
"I - I've got to-" she mumbled incoherently.  
  
"Say goodnight?" Neal offered gently.  
  
"Yeah. I'm going to apologise to him. Say goodnight and and sorry". Kel acted quite unlike herself, ambling out of the room and off to change her breeches (or at least Neal hoped so). He watched her go, then sat thinking quietly for a minute before turning back to his bowl. Unavoidable now, the grime of the glup soup in front of him would be his only source of food until morning. And then more bad food, he thought.  
  
He never knew it had vegetables in it.  
  
.  
  
  
Kel had watched Cleon go the next morning, his eyes full of emotion. Pity? Sorrow? Disgust? Or maybe even love? Whatever it was, Kel felt like she would have looked the same way. Once the squad had mounted and started trotting away, Cleon turned half around in his saddle to look at Kel. She waved her hand feebly. Cleon tried to smile. He forgave her. Kel sighed deeply. She accepted his silent apology too. The fight between them was over.  
  
"Miss you," Kel had said, but her voice was carried away by the wind.  
  
Now, two days later, checking Jump's bandage, which he didn't really need anymore, Kel was glad. Not that they had fighted, but because, in a way, they accepted each other. (and not just apologies) They had their differences, and kept their love despite those differences. She wished she could see him again right now.  
She would try to say sorry again, but he would hush her and they'd envelope each other with kisses...  
  
The day-dream faded. 'Just wait until he actually gets back' Kel scolded herself.  
  
She stepped outside her tent, after talking to Neal, who had been complaining (ONCE AGAIN) about the amount of head injuries (the ones he wasn't able to heal). She stretched her arms and meditated in her moment of peace. She reached inside herself and pulled out that image of a lake. She was that lake. Calm, and untouchable. Untouchable.  
  
Kel relaxed and moved to go back inside the tent to get her glaive and do some pattern dances.  
  
"Kel! Wait-" Lerant called, and came puffing up to her, holding a paper in his hand.  
'Here," he said emotionlessly and went away, probably to report back to Raoul.  
  
Kel was confused. What was this for? Could it...  
  
Her hands shook as she read the letter  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N hiya ^_^ thanks for reading. I really didn't want to leave 'chapter 5' as just Authors notes, but I wanted reviews on this one. please be CRITICAL.   
  
Yours in fanfiction (I'm sure I've forgotten something)  
  
Epitaph Munku-JGSPTV ^_^ 


	7. and One for Regret.... another for Peace

A/N the last chapter. I was thinking of doing a sequel. YAY!! I got over 60 reviews for this fic! Please tell me what you think. This isn't really long. And I'm sorry-  
  
  
  
I own nothing.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A Time for Regret, Another for Peace  
  
  
The words of the letter were scrabbled, as though it had been written quickly.  
  
'Dear Kel'  
  
it began in that rugged hand.  
  
'I am terribly sorry that I have to inform you that Cleon of Kennan was attacked by the Scanran enemy a day ago, and was not able to survive. He died honourably, fulfilling all his duties as a knight of Tortall. The first healer on site relieved him of any pain and Sir Cleon slept peacefully. He will be...'  
  
She stopped reading there. Shock filled her body, and she found standing became difficult. Kel collasped onto the ground. She didn't know what she felt. Her emotions seemed to have faded for a moment. All her thoughts, her feelings gell in the dust underneath her.  
  
Cleon was gone.  
  
Trembling with the impact of the news, Kel picked up the letter, dusted herself off and wandered, lost.  
  
Cleon was dead. He would be gone. Forever.  
  
  
  
  
  
'My lover's gone. His boots no longer by my door...'  
  
  
  
  
  
A terrible guilt swarmed around inside her. If she hadn't said those things-  
  
"Why don't you just go and get yourself killed..."  
  
The past would echo in her for a long time.  
  
If she had never argued with him, then he wouldn't have signed up for battle that next day. As soon as your name got on that list it stayed unless you were severly injured...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'He left at dawn...   
  
No earthly ships will ever  
  
bring him home  
  
again...'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
All her trails of thoughts led her back to the 'what ifs' and her regret. Regret of the fact she had never really said sorry, never accepted his apology at the beginning. That fleeting moment before he rode away - their eyes had met then. She had seem the sorrow, the hurt in his eyes. Her fault. All her fault. She had caused him pain and then he died because of it. Their 'accepted apologies' at that moment meant nothing now. A tear escaped.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'....bring him home  
  
again  
  
My lover's gone.  
  
I know that kiss will be my last  
  
No more his own'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Then she thought about what Dom had said. Sadly, so ironical, that he had mentioned they would regret what they had said earlier. How she regretted it now.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'I sing alone....'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I miss you," she whispered softly, and a soft moan omitted from her throat. Why?  
  
That would be the biggest question. Why....?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'No earthly ships will ever  
  
bring him home...again...'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kel felt someone move around her tent and come close. Neal She looked up at him, meeting his eyes. Her lip quivered.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'I sing alone.  
  
While I watch the ocean...'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She was on the floor of her tent. The tears seeped through. She was no longer that Untouchable lake.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'returns no more...'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kel wept, all her sadness, guilt, regret, love, whatever other feelings had been bundled up - she let them out now. Neal brought his arms around her. She buried herself in his shoulder. Her tears, which felt like the essence of her being, were pouring out. It was like that part of her was being taken away.  
  
  
  
  
Cleon would never come back.  
  
  
  
  
Kel felt alone. All alone...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The song is 'My lover's gone' by Dido. If you have it, I spose you should have played it while reading. I'm sure you can find it at some mp3 site. 


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